Weekly Pic

Happy New Year!

Weekly Joke

"A chicken marches into the library, walks up to the library desk, and says: 'Book, book, BOOK!'

The librarian hands over a a couple of slim children’s paperbacks, and watches the chicken as it leaves the library, walks across the street, through a field, and disappears down the hill.

Next day, the chicken is back. Walks right up to the librarian, drops the books on her desk, and says, 'Book, Book, BOOK, BOOK!' The librarian hands over a few books and again watches the chicken drag them away.

The next day, the chicken comes for a third time. Drops the books on the desk, and says, 'Book, Book, Book, BOOK!!'

This time, once the chicken is out the door, the librarian follows — across the street, through a field, and down the hill to a small pond.

On a rock on the edge of the pond is the biggest frog the librarian has ever seen. The chicken walks up to the frog, drops the book on the pond’s edge, and says, 'Book, Book, Book!'

The frog hops over, uses the front leg to push through the pile, and says: 'Read it, read it, read it…' ”

Weekly Video

Weekly Limerick

"Speedy Sam, while exploring a cave,
Had what I call a very close shave.
He stepped on a bear,
That had dozed off in there.
I'm glad he was faster than brave."

Weekly Riddle

What is the longest word in the dictionary?
[Smiles, because there is a mile between each ‘s’.]

Weekly Pic

From Cute Overload.

Weekly Joke

"So, a guy in a library walks up to the librarian and says, 'I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.'

The librarian responds, 'Sir, you know you’re in a library, right?'

The person says, 'Oh, sorry. (in a whisper) I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.' "

Weekly Video

Weekly Limerick

 A painter, who lived in Great Britain,
Interrupted two girls with their knittin'
And he said, with a sigh,
"That nice park bench--well I...
I just painted it, right where you're sittin.' "

Weekly Riddle

A monkey, a squirrel, and a bird are racing to the top of a coconut tree.

Who will get the banana first, 

the monkey, 

the squirrel, or

 the bird?

[None of them, because you can’t get a banana from a coconut tree!]

Weekly Pic

From Cute Overload.

Weekly Joke

"A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn’t have a scent,

the deer didn’t have a buck so they put the meal on the duck’s bill."

Weekly Videos

First, watch this:

However, the new trailer was frowned upon by Lucas after the immense success of the Prequels, so he took the job of rewriting the entire script into his own hands:

Weekly Limerick

"There once was a Martian named Zed
With antennae all over his head.
He sent out a lot
Of di-di-dash-dot 
But nobody knows what he said."

Weekly Riddle

A horse is on a 24 foot chain and wants an apple that is 26 feet away.

How can the horse get to the apple?
[The chain is not attached to anything.]

Weekly Pic

Weekly Joke

"Two atoms are playing together when one

tells the other, 'I lost an electron.' The second atom

asks, 'Are you sure?' The first atom replies, 'I’m positive!' "

The Poem 'bout The Poll

You can vote about what you think of my blog;

but if you are, then please hurry, "cause The Poll ends on December 21st!"

Weekly Video

15 minutes could save you...nevermind.

Weekly Limerick

"Said a salty old skipper from Wales,
'Number one, it's all right to chew nails.
It impresses the crew.
It impresses me too.
But stop spitting holes in the sails!' "

Weekly Riddle

The Smith family is a very wealthy family that lives in a big, circular home. One morning, Mr. Smith woke up and saw a strawberry jam stain on his new carpet. He figured out that everyone who was there that morning had a jam sandwich. By reading the following excuses, figure out who spilled the jam.
Billy Smith: “I was outside playing basketball.”
The Maid: “I was dusting the corners of the house.”
Chef: “I was starting to make lunch for later.”
Who is lying?
[It was the maid. The house is circular; it has no corners.]

Weekly Pic

Weekly Joke

"Two sausages were sizzling in a pan.

one sausage turns to the other

and says, 'It’s hot in here!'
The other sausage replies,

'Hey, a talking sausage!' "

Weekly Video

My favorite part is the tabby cat part :-)

Weekly Limerick

"There once was a turkey named Chummy,
Mom thought that he might be quite yummy.
He waddled away
On Thanksgiving Day --
But still ended up in my tummy!"

Happy (late) Thanksgiving!

Weekly Riddle

If a blue house is made out of

blue bricks, a yellow house is made out of yellow bricks,

and a pink house is made out of pink bricks,

 what is a green house made of?
[Glass]

Weekly Pic

From Cute Overload.

Weekly Joke

After each sentence below, say “my friend did too.”
"I went to the circus.
I ate some popcorn.
I went on some rides.
I ate some cotton candy.
I got some balloons.
I got some more to eat.
The balloons popped…"

Weekly Video

All those videos are from Action Movie Kid.

Weekly Limerick

"There once was a Thingamajig--
Like a Whatsis, but three times as big.
When it first came in view
It looked something like you
But it stayed and turned into a pig."

Weekly Riddle

Mr. Blue lives in the blue house, Mr. Pink lives 

in the pink house, and Mr. Brown lives in the brown house. 

Who lives in the white house?
[The president]

Weekly Pic

From Cute Overload.

Weekly Joke

A rope walked into a restaurant and ordered a milkshake. 

The waiter said 'Are you a rope?' The rope said 'Yes.' 

The waiter said 'We don’t serve ropes.' So, the rope went out 

and burnt off his ends and tied himself into a knot. The rope went back 

into the restaurant and ordered a milkshake. The waiter asked

 'Are you a rope?' The rope said 'No, I’m a frayed knot.'

Weekly Video

Weekly Limerick

"There's a train at 4:04," said Miss Jenny
"Four tickets I'll take; have you any?"
Said the man at the door,
"Not four for 4:04,
For four for 4:04 is too many."

Weekly Riddle

Throw away the outside and cook the inside,

then eat the outside and throw away the inside.

What is it? 

[Corn on the cob, because you throw away the husk,

cook and eat the kernels, and throw away the cob.]

Weekly Pic

From Cute Overload.

Weekly Joke

"A man was driving in his car got a call from his wife on his cell phone. She was really frantic and yelled, 'Honey, I just heard on the news that there is a car going the wrong way on the highway! Be careful!'
He replied, 'Honey, there isn’t just one, there are hundreds of them!' ”

Weekly Video

Weekly Limerick

"A tutor who tooted a flute
Tried to teach two young tooters to toot
Said the two to the tutor,
'Is it harder to toot, or . . .
To tutor two tooters to toot?' "

Weekly Riddle

A man was driving his truck. His lights were not on.

The moon was not out. Up ahead, a woman was crossing the street.

How did he see her?
[It was a bright and sunny day!]

Weekly Pic

Weekly Joke

"There was a man in prison. He tried to find a way out,

but he couldn’t. Finally, he found a way out

through the cellar. So, he went through the cellar

and ended up in a park. He shouted, 'I’m free! I’m free!'

and a little girl said, 'Neat; I’m 4.' "

Weekly Video

Weekly Limerick

"On a bike race through Scotland did ped-al
A speedy French rider who led-all.
'Is my lead big?' he cried
'Wee,' a Scotsman replied,
So he slowed down and won no gold med-al."

Weekly Riddle

A man had 10 goats.

All but 6 goats ran away.

How many goats did he have left?

6 goats.

Weekly Pic

From Cute Overload.

Weekly Joke

"A man was looking for a person to paint his porch,

so he hired a young lady and told her what to do.

After about 30 minutes, the lady came to the door

and said, 'I’m done.' The man asked, 'how did you get done

so fast?' The lady answered, 'It was hard at first, but it got easier

towards the end. And by the way, it’s a Ferrari, not a Porsche.' "

Weekly Video

Congrats!

I've done 50 posts!
To celebrate, I've smooshed together
both the Weekly Riddle and the Weekly Limerick!
Here we go...

"An ambitious young fellow named Matt
Tried to parachute using his hat.
Folks below looked so small
As he started to fall,
Then got bigger and bigger 'till SPLAT!"

What happened?

You know.

Sorry for taking so long!

Weekly Pic

Weekly Joke

"A perso 

Sorry! I couldn't find 

any good jokes today;

but I promise I will next time!

Weekly Video

 

 I just love the maker.

But Wait...

There's more!

As you have noticed, 

this is Fall, so I'm making this...

Fall Style!

(just wanted to tell you...)

Weekly Limerick

"There was a young lady from Leeds
Who swallowed a package of seeds.
Now this sorry young lass
Is quite covered in grass,
But has all the tomatoes she needs."

Weekly Riddle

"A house full, a hole full, and you

can not gather a bowl full!"

what is it?

Smoke ; )

Weekly Pic

From Cute Overload.

Weekly Joke

"One university student decided to give a speech

for his speech class on 'How to Skip Class.' Just after he began his presentation,

the professor asked if he had any visual aids to clarify his points.

'I almost forgot!' the young man replied, and he stepped out into

the hall. He never came back."

Weekly Video

Weekly Limerick

"There once was a man who said, 'How

Shall I flee from this horrible cow?

I shall sit on this stile

And continue to smile

Which may soften the heart of that cow.' "

Weekly Riddle

This is a much harder riddle, and is all but impossible to figure out without help.

But, when you know the secret, you can make your own riddles like this!

 Many Legs

In comes two legs, carrying one leg, 

Sets down one leg on the three legs,

Out goes two legs, in comes four legs, 

Picks up one leg from the three legs, 

Out goes five legs, in comes two legs,

Looks at three legs without one leg,

Out storms two legs, in come seven legs,

Two legs throws the three legs at the four legs, 

Down goes one leg, into no leg.

What happened?

A woman comes into a kitchen, carrying a leg of mutton.

She puts it down onto a three legged  stool

woman leaves, and a dog (or cat)comes in.

Steals the leg (five legs = 4+1), and runs off. Meanwhile, the woman comes back,

sees the mutton is missing,

and storms off, and grabs the dog(seven legs=2+4+1)

and throws the stool at the naughty animal .

 The ruined mutton is thrown into the trash can.
Sorry for taking so long!
UPDATE: Thanks to Klenda For giving me this!

Weekly Pic

Weekly Joke

"A farmer was quoted in the Town Gazette as having '2,008 pigs.'

He showed up the next morning to declare to the editor,

'That's a misprint! I didn't say I have 2,008 pigs.

I told your reporter I have 2 sows and 8 pigs.' "

Weekly Video

It's a little short, but very funny (to me, at least)!

Weekly Limerick

"An epicure, dining at Crewe,

Found quite a large mouse in his stew.

Said the waiter, 'Don't shout,

And wave it about,

Or the rest will be wanting one too!' "

Weekly Riddle

What kind of bee does not sting?

 A Beetle ;)

Weekly Pic

If you don't see what's so funny,

look closely at the tracks.

Weekly Joke

"A teacher tells Billy, 'Mississippi. How do you spell it?'
Billy answers, 'I-T. It.' "

Weekly Video

...Weird.

Weekly Limerick

"A very cold wind has just blown.

My very long pigtails have flown.

They go up so high,

It makes everyone cry,

'My dear! Oh, just how have you grown!' "

Weekly Riddle

I live all alone, encased.

There's no way to get out;

other then breaking down the walls.

What am I?

 A Chick!

(no, not that kind.)

Weekly Pic

From Cute Overload.

Weekly Joke

"After a nervous breakdown, a man went with a friend to camp to calm down.  It did him well, but he was still two tents."

Weekly Video

(O.)>

^^

Weekly Limerick

"There was a young girl named Amy

Who once tripped and she said, 'Ow, my knee!'

Then a big bird did say

 'Happy Valentine's Day!'

Then when she was healed, she just said, 'Gee!' "

(I made that up!)

Weekly Riddle

Everybody has me; I'm easy to hurt,

 but I'm hard to get to;

and sometimes it seems like 

some people don't have me.

What am I?

A brain ;)

Weekly Pic

I have no idea why he's talking through his nose

(and yes, I drew that).

Weekly Joke

"So, a teacher asks Billy why he always was late for school.

Billy answers, 'Because the sign said, "School, go slow." ' "

Weekly Video

Weekly Limerick

"There was a young lady of Titch

Who wanted to turn 'to a witch;

But when she found the most

She could be was a ghost

Then she threw herself into a ditch."

(I know that some of those lines are a little loopy.)

Weekly Riddle

Here's an old one:

Riddle me, riddle me, rote tote tote;

A wee little man in a red, red coat;

With a staff in his hand, and a stone in his throat,

If you tell me this riddle, I'll give you a groat.
A Cherry ;)

Weekly Pic

"When a seal sees the joke from yesterday"

By the way, it's from-you guessed it-Cute Overload.

Weekly Joke

"After being told by his mom,

 'You are what you eat', 

Billy eats some bacon.

He turns into a pig."

Weekly Video

Warning: mildly disturbing. if you 

have kids and show them this,

 they will beg you to watch it again, 

and again, and again, etc.
Trust me.

Weekly Limerick

"There once was a man with a beard

Who said, 'It is just as I feared!

Two owls & a hen

& three robins & a wren

Have all made their nests in my beard!'"

Weekly Riddle

 The poor have me,

the rich lack me,

and if you eat me, you die.

what am I?

Nothing ;)

Weekly Pic

From Cute Overload again.

Weekly Joke

"After stealing some famous paintings, some thieves try a getaway in a van.

 But, their van stops, and the police get to the thieves.
When a policeman asks them why the van stopped, they answer:
'We did not have  enough Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.'"

Weekly Video

(0-0>

^ ^

Weekly Limerick

"There was an old man in Peru

Who dreamed he was eating his shoe;

He woke up at night

With a terrible fright

And he found it was perfectly true."

Weekly Riddle

If a man is 5 feet tall,

 and his arms are 2 feet long,

 How long are his legs?

Long enough to reach the ground;)

Weekly Pic

From Cute Overload.

Weekly Joke

"A teacher says to Billy, 'You missed school.'

Billy answers, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I didn't miss it at all."

Weekly Video

I crack me up.

Weekly Limerick

"A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd;

She was frightened, and screamed very loud;

Then a happy thought hit her

To scare off the critter:

She sat up in bed and meowed."

Weekly Riddle

What gets bigger, even when you take more from it?
(Highlight below to LOL)
A hole ;-)

Wordless Wednesday: Weekly Pic

So I've Got This Thing

And it goes like this:

Monday = Video

Tuesday = Joke

Wednesday = Picture

Thursday = Riddle

Friday = Limerick

Saturday & Sunday = Nothing

Oh! I forgot the funny joke!

Well, here we go.

"So, a man walks into a bar.

He falls unconscious."

Hello!

Hello, all! My blog name is Veronica, my blog is about comedy, and I wish you all a happy birthday! Wait, what? Never mind. Anyway, for starters, here's a funny video!